My dear ladies of a “certain age” – let’s talk about the rollercoaster ride that absolutely no one asked for but we’re all getting tickets to anyway: perimenopause! It’s like puberty’s older, more unpredictable cousin who shows up uninvited and decides to crash on your couch for several years.
It’s the joke we’re all in on, but nobody really gets. What is real and what is just good old aging? Every one of my friends is having different symptoms – like, is toe pain a perimenopause thing?
It’d be nice if there was a full semester on how to perimenopause, but in lieu of going back to school, I’ve created a sort of cheat sheet with four of the most common complaints, what the heck is causing them, and some non-medical suggestions on how to cope. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for all of the meds, but please seek that advice from a medical professional.
1. The Almighty Hot Flash
Picture this: You’re in an important meeting, confidently presenting your quarterly report, when suddenly you feel like someone has cranked up the thermostat to “surface of the sun.” As you casually try to hide the fact that you’re now sweating more than a marathon runner in July, your colleague shivers and slides the little thermostat thingy up.
It’s not just you, 75-80% of women experience hot flashes as they go through menopause. But whyyyyyy?
“Hot flashes occur from a decrease in estrogen levels. In response to this, your glands release higher amounts of other hormones that affect the brain’s thermostat, causing your body temperature to fluctuate.” According to Johns Hopkins Medicine.
This is one of the key symptoms of perimenopause, but also one most commonly relieved by hormone replacement therapy. HRT does come with side effects, so def check with your doc.
How To Keep Your Cool
- Try keeping a personal fan in your purse ideally one that rivals the power of a jet engine.
- Wear loose-fitting natural fibers that breath like cotton, bamboo, or linen.
- If you’re prone to getting hot and sweaty in bed for no good reason, keep a glass of cold water near your bed, layer your bedding, and keep a remote control fan nearby.
2. Memory? Forget About It
Remember when you could walk into a room and actually remember why you went in there? Those were the days! Now, I find myself standing in the kitchen, holding my car keys, completely baffled about whether I was heading out or just came back in.
Yes, there are actual physical changes happening in your brain that explain this as well.
Once again, it’s due to the changing level of hormones in your body. “Estrogen stimulates the brain, keeps the neurons firing, supports the growth of new cells and helps existing cells to form new connections. When estrogen levels fall in midlife, your entire body – including your brain – goes into a sudden deprivation state.” – The Menopause Charity
How To Remember What Not To Forget
- Technology is your friend. Use the voice memo feature to take notes, set reminders even for the stupid stuff, auto-pay everything.
- Like anything else, sleep, diet, and exercise go a long way to protecting and encouraging healthy brain function.
- Create good habits like dropping your keys into a bowl by the door every single time.
- Lots and lots of sticky notes.
3. The Moods Be Swinging
If perimenopause were an Olympic sport, we’d all be gold medalists on the mood swings. One minute you’re laughing at a cat video, the next you’re crying because someone ate the last cookie, and then you’re furious because your cat breaths too loudly. It’s an emotional triathlon that nobody trained for.
You might feel crazy, but you’re not. Much like those glorious days of puberty, your brain is resetting itself for the next phase of your evolution. Anxiety, depression, lack of concentration are all symptoms of these hormonal changes.
“About 4 in 10 women have mood symptoms during perimenopause that are similar to PMS, or premenstrual syndrome. You might feel irritable, have low energy, feel tearful and moody, or have a hard time concentrating.” – Dr. Nazanin E. Silver, Ob-Gyn.
How To Stay Sorta Sane
- Def see a doctor if it’s impacting your daily life in a negative way.
- Try cutting back on caffeine, sugar, alcohol or smoking and see if that helps.
- Meditation, breathing exercises, mantras, crystals, therapy, prayer, incense – all worth a try.
- Diet, sleep, and exercise, of course.
4. Sleep, you say? What’s That?
Remember sleep? That thing we used to do for, like, 8 consecutive hours? Now it’s more like a series of short films: 2 hours of tossing and turning, 1 hour of actual sleep, 30 minutes of wondering if you remembered to buy cat food, 45 minutes of mentally redecorating your living room, and 3 hours of staring at the ceiling contemplating the meaning of life.
Not getting enough solid sleep can exacerbate many of the other perimenopausal symptoms, so make healthy bedtime habits a top priority.
How To Hit The Hay
- I love naps, and if that’s the best way to catch some shut eye, do it. But, try not napping and see if you’re able to sleep better at night. If you do, you may want to ixnay on the apnay.
- Don’t eat too close to bedtime. This one was a game changer for me, I sleep so much better if I give my body time to digest and have a cup of sleepy tea a couple hours before bedtime.
- Ty to be consistent with you bedtime and wake up schedule. Setting a routine with reading or music can help cue your body to rest.
- Getting enough exercise during the day can really help.
We’re All Very Very Peri
The real secret to surviving perimenopause? Bitching with fellow sufferers. Whether it’s sharing war stories over wine, swapping information, or just having someone who understands why you’re crying over a paper towel commercial, community makes everything better. Check out How To Make Friends After 50 if you’re looking to expand your circle of old maids.
Remember, this too shall pass. And when it does, we’ll emerge as the wise, no-nonsense, couldn’t-care-less-what-anyone-thinks queens we were always meant to be. Until then, keep your sense of humor handy and your personal fan handy-er.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go put some creme on my big toe, apparently that’s just an arthritis thing.
Have a hilarious perimenopause story to share? Drop it in the comments below – misery loves company, and we could all use a good laugh!
