Just Some of the Common Questions We’re Tired of Answering
It starts in our thirties and ramps up like nobody’s business (which it literally is) into our forties and fifties. The bane of our unmarried existence is people wondering A) how it’s possible, B) how we manage it, and C) what gives us the right to be so dang happy about it?
After decades of navigating this particular brand of social awkwardness, I’ve collected quite the anthology of intrusive questions. And because misery loves company (and also because Google loves comprehensive content), I’ve compiled the greatest hits along with some responses that may provide inspiration for some of my fellow Modern Old Maids in the future.
1. “Why aren’t you married yet?”
As if I’ve been standing in some cosmic DMV line for 30 years and just never made it to the front.
Reply: “I keep forgetting to put it on my to-do list. Right after ‘buy milk’ and ‘take over small country.’”
2. “Don’t you want someone to take care of you when you’re older?”
Because apparently the only way to secure elder care is through matrimony.
Reply: “That’s why I’m nice to random children. I’m playing the long game.”
3. “Aren’t you lonely?”
Asked by someone who hasn’t had an uninterrupted bathroom break since 2007.
Reply: “Sometimes, but mostly I prefer my own company—along with my own decor style, refrigerator fillings, and bed space.”
4. “Have you ever been in love?”
This one typically delivered with head tilted and eyes squinted in anthropological fascination.
Reply: “Yes, several times. With truffles, with my dogs, and occasionally with actual humans—just none that required signing legal documents.”
5. “Are you just too picky?”
Settling is apparently a virtue I lack.
Reply: “Not picky enough, actually. I once dated a man who thought ketchup was spicy.”
6. “Are you married to your work?”
The assumption being that I couldn’t possibly manage both a job AND remember to love someone.
Reply: “Yes, my career as an international woman of mystery makes relationships complicated. The jetlag alone is a dealbreaker.”
7. “Have you tried online dating?”
As if it’s some obscure technology I might have missed—like the internet just dropped last Tuesday.
Reply: “No, I’ve been waiting for someone to suggest that! Is it new? Does it involve waiting in a queu?”
8. “Did you at least freeze your eggs?”
Apparently the temperature of my reproductive choices needs to be addressed as openly as the weather.
Reply: “No, but I did freeze some exceptional chocolate chip cookie dough, which has brought me more consistent joy.”
9. “Do you hate men?”
Because the only logical explanation for singlehood must be seething misandry.
Reply: “Only if they are the ones asking ridiculously inappropriate questions.” Insert 🙄 if texting.
10. “Don’t you think you’re being selfish?”
The grand finale—implying that my independent existence is somehow depriving the world of something essential.
Reply: “Absolutely! I’m selfishly hogging all this freedom, personal growth, and disposable income. It’s my cross to bear.”
The Real Answer to All These Questions
Here’s the thing about being over 50 and never married—it’s not a problem that needs solving. It’s not a disease requiring treatment. It’s just one of many possible life paths.
Marriage is wonderful for many—I’ve attended enough weddings to fill a scrapbook. But happiness comes in many forms, and not all require a legal certificate.
There are so many more interesting aspects about a woman over 50 who hasn’t married; her pastimes, her travels, her thoughts on nuclear fission. I promise the conversation will be more interesting than her relationship status.
To learn more about the growing number of happily unmarried women all over the world, you can check out “Welcome To The Old Maid Era: The Global Rise of Women Choosing Single Life.”
